#AITA #reminding #friend #married #intelligence #aita
At the time Alba would sometimes tease me that I could do better than Vince, and would offer to set me up with one of Leo’s law school buddies, but I would always refuse and she eventually dropped the subject.
Alba and Leo are currently going through a nasty divorce that stems from him cheating on her, quite frankly he is dragging her through the mud and is using connections to try and leave her as penniless as possible.
As we were chatting and catching up Alba began to express concern over the fact that my eldest son (7M) was recently diagnosed with dyslexia, Alba began telling me how she is worried that my son will be academically challenged like his father and what that could entail for his future. Before I could respond she told me how I should have married someone smart while I had the chance so I would have kids like hers. (Albas son is an incredibly bright boy and a straight A student).
I told Alba her advice was unnecessary and reminded her where marrying for intelligence got her, I then proceeded to tell her that I would rather have my son grow up to be an honest, hardworking person like his father than an academically gifted jerk who wasn’t smart enough to know sleeping with his secretary could have consequences on his marriage like her husband.
Alba was deeply hurt by what I’ve said and stormed out with her son. Some mutual friends are now chiming in and are telling me that I was too harsh on Alba for using her failing marriage to prove my point and should apologize.
Small update: first of all I want to thank you all for your replies 🙂
I wanted to address a couple of things, many of you asked why Alba and I remained friends despite her previous remarks. Alba and I grew apart during our third year in university, we only remained friends by association since we have a lot of shared mutual friends.
We became close again after our sons started playing basketball together at the local community center and became friends. I figured that becoming a mother made her more mature and she didn’t give me any reason to suspect otherwise.
I’ve decided to send her a message saying that the way she spoke about my husband and son was unacceptable and therefore she is no longer welcomed in my home, however, I don’t want our sons to lose their friendship and therefore I’m willing to remain civil around the kids and still organize play dates. She didn’t reply to me just yet, but I truly hope she loves her son enough to put her ego aside and remain civil for the sake of our kids.
I’ve yet to notify Vince about this entire situation since he is vigorously studying for an important quiz that’s coming up next week, and I know that if he heard what Alba said about him and our boy it would make him upset and he won’t be able to continue studying properly. Unless something crazy happens in the meantime I’ll probably update him next week after he’s done with the quiz.
lawyers near me , AITA for reminding my friend that she married for intelligence and look where it got her? #aita
Rest of the post here:
At the time Alba would sometimes tease me that I could do better than Vince, and would offer to set me up with one of Leo’s law school buddies, but I would always refuse and she eventually dropped the subject.
Alba and Leo are currently going through a nasty divorce that stems from him cheating on her, quite frankly he is dragging her through the mud and is using connections to try and leave her as penniless as possible.
As we were chatting and catching up Alba began to express concern over the fact that my eldest son (7M) was recently diagnosed with dyslexia, Alba began telling me how she is worried that my son will be academically challenged like his father and what that could entail for his future. Before I could respond she told me how I should have married someone smart while I had the chance so I would have kids like hers. (Albas son is an incredibly bright boy and a straight A student).
I told Alba her advice was unnecessary and reminded her where marrying for intelligence got her, I then proceeded to tell her that I would rather have my son grow up to be an honest, hardworking person like his father than an academically gifted jerk who wasn’t smart enough to know sleeping with his secretary could have consequences on his marriage like her husband.
Alba was deeply hurt by what I’ve said and stormed out with her son. Some mutual friends are now chiming in and are telling me that I was too harsh on Alba for using her failing marriage to prove my point and should apologize.
Small update: first of all I want to thank you all for your replies 🙂
I wanted to address a couple of things, many of you asked why Alba and I remained friends despite her previous remarks. Alba and I grew apart during our third year in university, we only remained friends by association since we have a lot of shared mutual friends.
We became close again after our sons started playing basketball together at the local community center and became friends. I figured that becoming a mother made her more mature and she didn’t give me any reason to suspect otherwise.
I’ve decided to send her a message saying that the way she spoke about my husband and son was unacceptable and therefore she is no longer welcomed in my home, however, I don’t want our sons to lose their friendship and therefore I’m willing to remain civil around the kids and still organize play dates. She didn’t reply to me just yet, but I truly hope she loves her son enough to put her ego aside and remain civil for the sake of our kids.
I’ve yet to notify Vince about this entire situation since he is vigorously studying for an important quiz that’s coming up next week, and I know that if he heard what Alba said about him and our boy it would make him upset and he won’t be able to continue studying properly. Unless something crazy happens in the meantime I’ll probably update him next week after he’s done with the quiz.
NTA. Himbo/bimbo with a heart of gold > a person who brag about their intelligence all the time.
Classic case of "For the speck your eye"
There is a saying: If you can throw a punch then you can take a punch… Don't talk crap if you can't handle crap.
NTA, people living in a glass house shouldn't throw stones.
NTA, BUT ALSO
Good on OP for sticking to her man. Most of the time when I hear about a blue-collar worker paying the way for his wife to go to college it usually follows with "Yeah but then she left him."
I guess once that degree gets into their hands they view blue-collar workers beneath them. This makes no sense because when the degree was put in my hand all I saw was a piece of paper that cost me more than a new car, and I could never sell it to make a profit.
Good for OP
Keep in mind if she went to the friends and cried about what alba said eveyone would be chiding alba. Who ever cries first gets the most peope on their side.
NTA also Alba should know that dyslexia is literally the most common learning disability in the world, I think it's like 1 in 5 people, you literally have a better chance at having dyslexia then being struck by lightning or getting an infectious wound from a dog bite. Also high intelligence doesn't not mean they will always go for "high academic careers" there was literally a kid who was called the worlds smartest kid in the 80's people predicted he could cure cancer by the 90's and he didn't want to do that and became an school teacher, with people still thinking he "wasted his life" Plenty of highly intelligent people don't seek out Stem for a variety of reasons.
NTA. Alba kept trying to push the wrong buttons on you, first making remarks about your husband and then about your son. She shouldn't expect you to not give her a harsh reality on her own life since she's always quick to remark on things about your husband and son yet she couldn't take what she herself dished out. Also Alba isn't a friend if she's always trying to undermine your son and husband while boasting about her "perfect" life that's crumbling down right in front of her
She said your husbandand son are stupid and going nowhere in life. Fuck her feelings.
Just want to say that's not intelligence it's just obnoxiousness like Shelton's attitude from The Big Bang Theory it's not his intelligence that makes him that way it's how people treated him that made him believe he should act that way because when he shows compassion he's the sweetest man you've ever seen of course he's a fictional character but the point I'm trying to make is it's not intelligence it's the lack of compassion
Don't get butthurt when it writes checks you can't cash! No one should say anything like that to anyone. How rude. Nta.
She should mind her business if she doesn't want to get the truth.
Good on OP for their integrity, honestly. I do think they could have worded it differently to their friend, though. Something like what they did later on "this is a completely unacceptable way to speak about my family; I do not drag your family through the mud and I expect you to reciprocate that" or something to that extend. I understand that's not always something you can think of in the moment.
NTA
Don’t throw stones if you live in a glass house
Who is she to tell you about your marriage?