A Divorce Lawyer On Everything You Should Know Before Getting Married

37 thoughts on “A Divorce Lawyer On Everything You Should Know Before Getting Married”

1. Literally what just happened to my 5-year relationship. My fiance decided to leave our relationship to move back to her country and be closer to her family because life is easier there.. Having even values, financial goals and financial literacy are important. Love is important, but commitment plays a much bigger part in your relationship. This means the couple must have the same level of understanding, respects, goals and values.

2. Women protecting themselves😂. Literally the entire family court system is built around extracting all the man’s resources and giving it to the woman along with the kids and the house. This is why men will continue not to get married. Female nature is completely out in the open now thanks to the internet.

3. The biggest mistake men make is marrying broke loser women who dont earn even close to as much as them.
   And its a scam that men have been convinced that female worth isnt tied to their financial status, but somehow their worth is.

   Tldr. Marry someone who earns just as much as you.

4. I’ll never be married but I still really enjoyed this interview with this guest

5. It was wonderful hearing this gentleman speak so intelligently on this subject. As a mental health therapist who works with ppl divorcing, I hope these discussions can be heard by ppl like him in more communities that try to push marriage without proper education on the ramifications of it to all parties.

6. GREAT EPISODE!!!

   As much as ppl pine & obsess over relationships they balk at discussing the logistic and financial dynamics.

7. This is a great interview. Thanks to both of you.

8. Nice to see Aaron… we’ve all come a long way since the nonprofit days 😂😂😂

9. (20:30) This man is hilariously simptastic! He should go be a woman’s advocate. He’s already an obvious feminist,

10. Spent $25k on our wedding and I have zero regrets about it. We had a two year engagement, purposefully, so we could pay for our wedding in cash. We have a lawyer friend who did our prenup for us as a wedding gift. It was important to both of us that the assets we brought into the marriage are protected if the marriage ends. We both make the same amount of money, so it made sense for us to both feel protected financially.

11. I can’t figure out who could possibly afford a divorce lawyer. i couldn’t even afford a document preparer, so i had to file everything myself. Luckily it turns out you can do a summary dissolution in CA if you were together for under 5 years, but it was very difficult for me to figure out how to file everything myself. The whole system assumes you have a lawyer.

12. This was a breath of fresh air for the content from TFD. Straight to the point, useful information; I didn't even have a momento of wondering what pop culture thing was being referenced. One video like this month or every two months would be helpful; I want to learn financial literacy without having a buff bro talk to me about crypto, but I also, just kind of want to get to the point, even though it might be boring for TFD.

13. This is all so fantastically vital, thank you so much for this video! Now I just need to get all my younger friends to watch it….

14. I'm going to reply up top to commentary below about this prenup discussion being "classist":

    Two partners could NOT afford to sit down and have a conversation about their financial expectations and requirements for marriage?

    Those partners could not afford to write those agreements on paper and sign them?

    The partners could not afford to have that contract notarized???

    As has been stated already in this thread, ALL marriages have a default prenup: the LAW.

    And the law in your country, state/province, city/town may or may NOT favor you.

    In the same way people are participating in this youtube thread FOR FREE, people could do online or library esearch on designing a prenup FOR FREE.

    I am hardcore working class, and I do not understand saying "I am too poor for a prenup, but I can afford to get married."

15. Eh I also think disc brakes generally make bikes ride worse. Maybe not for carbon but for steel bikes you have to make the steel heftier to accomodate the calipers which often interferes with aspects of ride feel like planing

16. "You can't have two spouses living under the same roof, but in different socioeconomic classes." Amen. That's why my mom finally divorced my dad after 30 years of marriage. Another thirty years later, and they remain friends, but this was the issue that split them.

17. I think "inability to communicate" is the wrong way to describe such issues. I think the proper way to describe it is "unwilling to communicate" and the reasons for "unwillingness to communicate" vary widely.

18. Also something I haven't heard discussed within content here is the cost of prenup being another barrier! For those of us who aren't coming from rich families or high earning careers, a prenup seems pricey. Don't get me wrong – I'm very aware that a solid prenup saves us money down the line but I think it is worth keeping in mind to factor in the cost of a prenup prior to a marriage

19. Longtime TFD follower here! Always a fan of prenups but recently came across "postnups" and I'm not entirely sure the difference between the 2 and the necessity for both – despite my googling. Has TFD come across this before in its discussions with various subject matter experts?

20. What’s interesting to watch is when the GUY in the hetero relationship is the one who is horrible with finances, not transparent, wants the big wedding, and is volunteering to be a stay at home dad. It’s interesting how those behaviors seem to go hand in hand.

21. I get the show is about finances and the guy is a divorce lawyer, but all this corporate speak about love and marriage is a bit much. A marriage is not a business contract. I don’t wanna snuggle up with any corporate homies and kiss em goodnight. I don’t wanna give my wife a firm handshake and say, “Great work on that financial report, Johnson!” I come home to escape the corporate hellscape.

22. – 00:00💼 The podcast introduces a sponsored capsule series about money in the Real Housewives franchise, offering exclusive content for members.
    
    – 00:59📺 Chelsea Fagan introduces the Financial Confessions show, discussing personal and professional finances.
    
    – 01:51💍 The podcast is in a miniseries about weddings and the wedding industrial complex, exploring various perspectives on marriage and financial decisions.
    
    – 03:38👰 Divorce attorney Aaron Thomas discusses the impact of high-profile divorces and the challenges they present.
    
    – 09:05⚖ High-conflict divorces often stem from disagreements over asset division and financial contributions during the marriage.
    
    – 12:16❤ Divorce proceedings often become emotionally charged, focusing on assigning blame rather than reaching a fair resolution.
    
    – 14:10💔 Prenups are stigmatized and often misunderstood, hindering their adoption despite their potential benefits for customizing financial arrangements in marriages.
    
    – 16:21💼 People should communicate the reasons behind wanting a prenup to their partner to dispel misconceptions and facilitate an open discussion.
    
    – 18:02👩‍⚖ Prenups can provide crucial protection for homemakers, especially women, by addressing financial disparities and ensuring fair asset distribution in the event of divorce.
    – 20:19 💼 Financial contributions in a marriage can lead to disputes during divorce, especially if one partner devalues the other's non-financial contributions.
    
    – 20:57 💔 Homemakers, often women, can face significant challenges in divorce proceedings due to reduced earning potential and asset division disputes.
    
    – 22:13 💒 Pressure from societal norms, like expensive weddings and social media expectations, can lead couples to proceed with marriages they may have doubts about.
    
    – 23:32 💡 Early warning signs before marriage may include lack of financial transparency and compatibility, which can lead to marital issues.
    
    – 26:04 💔 Statistics show a concerning trend of men leaving their wives during serious illness, highlighting potential issues in marriage vows and commitment.
    
    – 29:04 💰 Couples should have transparent discussions about finances, including income, debts, and joint financial plans, before marriage to ensure compatibility.
    
    – 31:49 💬 Breakdowns in communication, transparency, and fairness are common precursors to divorce, emphasizing the importance of addressing these issues early in a marriage.
    – 31:49 🗣 Communication, transparency, and fairness are fundamental to a healthy marriage. Breakdowns in communication often lead to divorces, with financial transparency being a key issue.
    
    – 33:18 💬 Financial dynamics in marriage often reflect personal dynamics. Lack of transparency in finances can bleed into other areas of the relationship, leading to larger issues.
    
    – 33:39 📝 Prenuptial agreements are increasingly incorporating clauses for mandatory counseling sessions, aiming to facilitate communication and conflict resolution during marriage.
    
    – 34:53 🤝 Marriage requires transparency in financial matters. Prenuptial agreements serve as a tool to ensure both spouses disclose assets and debts, fostering financial openness from the beginning.
    
    – 36:23 🎩 Wedding dynamics often reveal deeper issues in a relationship. Disparities in decision-making and financial responsibilities can foreshadow future challenges within the marriage.
    
    – 40:42 💼 Financial negotiations before marriage can serve as a crucial test for the couple's ability to manage their financial future together.
    
    – 41:30 📈 Modern marriages face complexities due to dual incomes, multiple accounts, and differing financial habits, requiring effective communication and financial planning.
    
    – 47:17 🔍 Couples should establish expectations and boundaries regarding family involvement in financial matters, including loans or gifts, to protect their relationship from outside influences.
    
    – 50:11 🤵‍♀👰 Marriage historically served as a means to preserve wealth, highlighting the importance of addressing financial disparities and outlooks within the relationship.
    
    – 57:24 🤔 Decision-making during wedding planning should mirror decision-making within the marriage, setting a precedent for collaborative financial management.

23. If you do not draft a prenup, one will be assigned to you. We'll call that one 'the law'.

24. "Customising your marriage contract," I love that!

25. wow what a great resource

26. Chelsea, you are truly doing God's work. 💪

27. this was one of my favorite episodes! It was interesting to hear again just how the dynamics of marriage have changed and what kind of conversations should be had before signing the contract lol Especially loved the suggestion to discuss how to handle family regarding visit lengths, giving money, etc.

28. He is a very good active listener. Like wow

29. Really great interview. I love hearing lawyers speak on issues, because they give a very level, reasonable perspective of emotionally charged topics. Would love to hear him on your show again.

30. My wedding is this weekend 🎉 We spent $35k on the wedding. No regrets. We're not in debt, and I'm excited to giving back and celebrate our family & friends!! My tips:

    – Save up. Didn't go into debt duh.
    – Plan for a cheaper wedding than you can afford… you will spend more especially due to inflation 💸
    – Cheap out on the extra parties or eliminate them. Our rehearsal dinner was pizza and we didn't have an engagement party.
    – DIY & FB Marketplace as much as possible. We will make our wedding cake. $50 instead of $600.
    – Take advantage of talented friends for DJs, bakers, artists, planners, officiants, hair stylists, and other vendors.

31. Great interview!

    Love the idea of calling in couples counseling, if one partner finds it necessary.
    Also could apply if you're in a relationship without marriage.

    And the thought that you can't be in different classes while married. Had not thought about it that way.

32. ..No marriage or relationship is flawless; they're all different. What works for one person might not work for another. But I've figured out that there's always a way to fix things when there's a problem. Five years back, my wife and I were on the brink of divorce because of issues in our marriage, but we found a way to fix them. It was hard, but we made it through.

33. Me watching this video even though I know I'll be alone forever

34. Pre-nups aren’t even a legal thing in the UK.

    Personally I’d tell any loved up couple that when you’re married, at some point there will be shouting matches, at some point you’re going to consider leaving each other, you’re going to hate each other for a short period. The hardest part of marriage is co-operation and stubbornness.

    No-one is perfect.
    You don’t get to 25 or 50 years of marriage without wanting to at some point duff the other one up (not literally of course).

    But marriage is hard work, if you’re not committed to each other through the bad times, and these last a while. Don’t get married!

    Also, we don’t get alimony payments in the uk only child support.

    Divorce sounds like a money making scam.

35. Our culture spends endless energy convincing women they're incomplete without marriage, and zero energy educating them about the economic ramifications and risks they face.

    And that should tell you everything you need to know about who benefits from hetero marriage.

36. What you’ve shared in this series is great. I especially love this interview. I wish I had understood all of this 47 years ago. I actually wouldn’t have married and stayed with the person so long because I would have seen our incompatibility clearly with just a good discussion on finances and boundaries.

    On the other hand, why end this here? What about checking in with a couple who did spend a lot of money and have no regrets? Could you possibly see how they went about it and why they have no regrets, then analyze what they did that worked for them?
    I think I know just the couple for this. Shelise and her spouse from the YouTube channel Cults to Consciousness. Think about it. You can gage what kind of person she is from her interviews plus she has posted something about their wedding. It would be nice to see some examples of how to do it better. You might also interview someone who did a frugal wedding and was very happy with it. For that matter, talk to some couples who are happy with their prenups as well. Each of these scenarios can be viewed from your lens of finances.

    Thanks for looking over these suggestions to see if any of them has any value to your particular community. And may you be well and be blessed.

37. I could not imagine not knowing my partner's finances. We had been together 8-9 years before marriage and already had a couple of joint accounts, reviewed all of our accounts together once a year or so, contributed the same percent to each bucket, etc. Yes, it's "boring and unsexy" to talk about but I feel like having to tiptoe around financial conversations is a lot worse.

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